fluteloop

In preparation for your surgery place a basket on your bedside table and fill it with the essentials.

Tongs/Grabbing Device:
For when you drop the freaking pill bottle and the top to your water bottle, and you will drop these things. Many times.

Phone and charger:
Not for talking on, unless you know someone who wants to hear you snore? Just for setting pill timers. I had several Marylyn moments where I’d wake up and wonder what day it was and then dissolve into confusion as to when I last took my meds.

Adult Diapers:
I’m kidding, mostly. I did seriously consider peeing my bed a few times that first day when no one was around to help me up. By the second day I had devised a way of sliding my elbow underneath me so that I could use all arm power and no ab power to s-l-o-w-l-y launch myself towards the bathroom. It was ridiculously dramatic. Every. Damn. Time. And I swear they gave me 15 gallons of water in that IV.

Bedside Snacks:
I was terrified to eat, starving, and all food made me nauseous. My simple mind couldn’t comprehend how my body was going to deal with food now that a part of the digestion system was missing. So I was scared to eat and scared to take a Vicodin pill with nothing in my stomach. Besides peeing this was my biggest problem for 4 days and 4 nights. Little cups of applesauce worked a few times, a bite of banana worked twice (the smell killed me though), chicken broth, instant miso soup, and then finally I found the thing I could keep by the bed and that didn’t smell. The humble grape. Oh how I celebrated the discovery of the grape as my new food item. I can’t remember exactly, but I think I ate nothing but grapes for like 3 days. I would wake up, pop a few grapes, take Motrin and Vicodin, and lay back against the pillows to slip back into unconsciousness. I shall hold the grape forever in my heart, but I shall not eat one again for many months.. yuk!

Entertainment:
I naively filled my basket pre-surgery with movies, books, and audio books. I say I was naïve because I was like a drugged rag doll like 99% of the time that I was confined to bed. I tried to stare at my iPhone (which arrived on the day of my surgery) a few times but my eyes refused to work as a team. I would look at the phone and it would blur into two phones. If you really want to be entertained just focus on the arrangement of pillows behind your back and under your legs, the fact that one of your legs is totally numb from lack of movement, and when your next great effort to haul yourself to the bathroom will be. What more could a gallbladderless person ask for? Bliss.

Person or persons who love you, like, a lot.
Where would you be without a hand holder in the hospital bed? Or a trusted Grandma to pick up your kidlette from school while you’re completely zonked out? No where good is the answer, so start being nice now. Alex stepped into “Captain Mom” mode and took care of the house and the kid when he was home and my Mom drove Ara to and from school AND spoiled her rotten after school until Alex came home from work. Alex even packed BENTOS’ that were totally up to standard around here (better even but I’m forbidden to show photographic proof). My Dad took Ara when my Mom needed a break for a day and my Sister and Ryan kept her occupied once as well. I have an awesome family.

Now that your bedside basket is done, here are a few more pre-surgery tips:

Lower gravity down in your house so that all the things you drop will slowly float back up to you on their own.

Don’t grow stones in your gall bladder.

Come to grips with the fact that your hair may never be smooth again and try to start a trend on Facebook that glorifies bed head.

If you find yourself replying to a normal email with overly emotional declarative statements, save the draft and go back to sleep. Sorry to everyone out there who received an email from me from Oct 25th through the 29th.

Prepare a few responses for “How are you feeling” ahead of time because no one wants to hear a whiney “I’m fine” and they also don’t want to hear about your diarrhea/constipation that is so implausible since you are only eating grapes, hypothetically, of course.

Remember, that it will all be worth it, because 2 months out of surgery I’m feeling fine!

There you have it, a comprehensive guide to gallbladder liberation! Good luck!